Hunt is Over…Could it be?

Posted on by huntressismyname

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I found it people! It might be a bit too early to call it right now, but if this isn’t love than I don’t know what is… I wasn’t ready for it either, it’s hard to explain but it kind of just happened. I guess that is how love is suppose to be, right? Unplanned… stars perfectly aligning our paths so we could meet. I feel like a lovesick teen, but I can’t help it, I can’t believe I met you today.

Anyway, I was sitting down feeling a little awkward as usual. My girlfriend has one of the worst bladders known to man, so a typical lunch date together usually means a lot of time sitting at the table trying to look like I am not there alone. We finished lunch and she got up again, I looked at her like I was a child not wanting Mum to leave… and she laughs.

When she leaves I fill her glass halfway with water, because a full cup means no one has been there to drink it. I’ve got to think about these things people! I pretend to look around for a clock, obviously I’ve got something important coming up later… no one needing to know my plans consisted of watching new episodes of How to Get Away with Murder and washing myself some more undies. Making matters worst, my phone died!

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I couldn’t even pretend I was reading something super interesting online. You know you do that too! Phone in one hand, raising it up in front of your face so it looks like you are focused on a riveting storyline. Your thumb trained as it scrolls up, and just to be more convincing, you suddenly reverse scroll and stop, pausing to read whatever the headline is: Victoria’s Secret Angel Quits: Stirs Controversy. You pretend to ponder the who, what, where and why… all while thinking that your girl better turn up soon or we’d be starring in our own episode of How to Get Away with Her Murder.

I don’t mind the chance to ‘people watch’ though. To be honest, its my favourite past time to look around at all the interesting people of the world. However, after a quick scan around the cafe… it seemed every couple, in the whole of Brisbane decided to have lunch in the same spot, at the exact same time today, lucky me!

There they were, staring passionately into each others eyes, one saying cute corny jokes, the other flirting, smiling, laughing… and I? I sit alone on my table for two… wanting to gouge my pupils out.

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Then it happened… That feeling I observed all around me, the one everyone talks about. The same feeling I saw expressed in movies and had described to me on the pages of Jane Austen novels and all of it true, who knew!

The butterflies. Oh the butterflies…. I never knew that it felt like this. My knees slightly weakened, my heart wanting to scream. I know hearts can’t scream, but if they could, mine would be the loudest. I spotted you from the distance, I was shocked at my reaction actually. How could this even be true? But there you were, not trying too hard… cool, calm and collected… perfect!

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In that instance I retracted everything I had ever said about love earlier, you were everything I needed, defied everything I knew, in that moment I fell for you. I just knew it, you were made for me, my one and only.

My mind was wondering now, dreaming of all the things I wanted to do to you. My lips touching you, teeth teasingly biting down on you. Then you walked over towards my table. It took everything in me not to squeal like a little girl. I couldn’t even believe my luck, this was going to actually happen…to me of all people!

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It was as if you floated on air and we only had eyes for each other. Everything else blurred and I knew this was it, the moment I had been waiting for my whole life had come and my eyes started to water a little.

It was like a scene from a movie, slow motion, lights dimming, our song coming on…

Let’s get it on….Oooh baby, let’s get it on…

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I look down and stir the ice around in my glass, feeling shy and awkward once again. Then the waiter put you down in front of me and I devour you. Yes, you’re a piece of cake. What of it?

The Hunt is well and truly still on people. May never end, until then… Dad that isn’t too desperado is it?

Yours,

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No you Desperado!

Posted on by huntressismyname

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So my Dad just called me from Samoa… This was the conversation.

“I read your blog dear. You write beautifully… But umm…”

“Yes, Dad?”

“Don’t be too desperado…”

No you desperado Dad! 

Story of my life. Love and support and just the right amount of bringing down to earth everyone needs haha… sigh

Mr Wrong… for all the Right reasons!

Posted on by huntressismyname

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When I grow up I am going to marry Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon. Every girls dream man! Tall, intelligent, handsome, mysterious and he has an endless supply of roses! The original Bachelor ladies. Except he is actually loyal, he doesn’t mack on twenty other women at the same time and, there are no rose ceremonies! What more could a girl want? Apart from the whole human aspect that is… He is perfect!

In all seriousness though, the chances of us finding Mr Right are as close to, or as legal as my chances are of marrying Tuxedo Mask. Too many of us have a checklist that we try and measure our men up against, if he doesn’t fit perfectly, he just isn’t right. Who are we? Goldilocks?

I don’t know who said that I was allowed to have this checklist in the first place. You know the list I’m talking about. The one we gathered around the playground to make, giggling and turning red (figure of speech…I just giggle, this skin only knows two shades, brown and browner!) then when that cute boy came around we’d hush our friends as we wrote, crossed and circled… deciding the fate of our futures! The same list where I would write down all the things I want in a man and why not add the material things too. The kind of car, where we would live and how many babies we will have (Yes guys, some of us plan these too)…and miraculously the right man would waltz in and sweep us off our feet. I know that if a man tried to sweep me right now, he’d probably break his back! She big boned… yeah right!

But really... Don't put me down for cardio!

But really… Don’t put me down for cardio!

Seriously ladies, how crazy is that? Let me throw this out there… Mr ‘Right’ does not exist and while we’re at it, Miss Right doesn’t either. But, ‘Real’ men do! Ones with character, experience, a little rough around the edges maybe, but hellooo… they have a heartbeat and are right in front of you! That’s more than I can say about Tuxedo Mask… sigh.

Today was orientation week at Uni. A few people asked me what my background was. Made me think about when I finally go on a date and he asks about my background.

Him: Where are you from?
Me: Samoa. (In the back of my mind… Yes mister, you don’t date me. You date my family, my village, my culture… my mother!)

So, yes you read it correctly. I am searching for Mr Wrong and no, I have not lost my mind. It is as simple ladies as demanding more from myself, before I start demanding things from others. Until I become perfect, I am leaving my list where it belongs. In my memories box to collect dust, along with all my misconceptions and disillusionments about love, and there are a lot!

I’ve heard so many girls say a guy was too nice and that’s why they broke things up. What planet are we living on where nice becomes a bad thing? Okay we may need a spark, but have we ever thought that when the 5th guy was just too nice for us that we may/are the common denominator? In the words of Queen B herself, the nice guy will be ‘the best thing ‘we’ never had.’

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While we are on song lyrics I had an epiphany earlier today… while I was sitting on the toilet. Yes, don’t judge… all my great ideas come to me while I sit on my throne. Anyway, I was sitting there and I realised that I was singing. Yes, I italics ‘singing’ because any musical talent didn’t just skip, but pole-vaulted right over me. I am talking as skilled as it takes to make a baby cry… so skilled that barking dogs would probably answer my call. The song was…

“I can’t make you love me, if you don’t…”

Then it hit me, and it wasn’t just the curry I had the night before. I can only control what I do, whether someone falls in love with me or not, is their choice… But why they wouldn’t I have no idea haha. So this is me throwing the list away and letting go…

Now just to find my Mr Wrong who will hopefully love me and my perfect imperfections… Come to think of it, John Legend will do just fine.

Huntress Note: Thank you all for the love and support from those who don’t have the choice and those who have joined the journey for a good laugh. Like, hate, comment, criticise… thank you for making me smile and cry haha all smiles thus far.

Yours,

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Defining The Hunt

Posted on by huntressismyname

Defining the Hunt... Day Dream Believer

I watch a man in uniform walk down the hallway. A little girl sits in her classroom listening to her teacher talk about the day’s lesson. The man approaches her classroom and enters, eyes searching for hers. She turns her head noticing the man in uniform. His face rigid and fierce, softening when their eyes meet. His daughter unaware that her father has come home early to surprise her for her birthday . She leaps from her seat and runs into her fathers arms.

Cue the waterworks. You-bloody-Tube, you get me every time!

I have shares in every food stall at university. How couldn’t I? This is my 7th year developing various skills by taking 101 lessons including: How to get through your degrees without purchasing a single textbook and How to cram 13 weeks of course work into your brain in 1 day. You may recognise me from the hit reality television series Real Life of The Walking Dead.

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My weekends are spent lying in bed watching Youtube clips until I realise I just watched all seasons of The Voice, Got Talent and Idol…from every country, including ones that don’t even speak English. I shuffle through every online store looking at all my new shoes, dresses and jewellery… as if my bank account wasn’t a bottomless pit of hopelessness and despair.

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I am even happy that my friends and I are past the nightclub/bar hopping stage of life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a social butterfly… just one that would every now and then like to be in her cocoon again. Maybe hard to believe but I am also single. Shock horror! Not a recent singleton either.. but a long term…all my life singleton. So here I find myself, 5 cookies in and thinking someone out there is yelling at their screen, ‘wake up girl and get your s*** together!’

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The Hunt is different for everyone. At first it took me a while to figure out what it meant for me. The biggest realisation I came to was that I have made no mistakes. Just too damn perfect for my own good. 6 cookies down and I find myself looking at my fingers over the keyboard saying, ‘check yourself, before you wreck yourself.’ Don’t get me wrong, this is not a good thing. I have no experiences of my own. Yes this is my life, but I’ve let it pass me by. One thing I do know is that life is a journey. I have always believed that. I am an expert ‘about’ life, could say all the right things, give sound advice to friends and family and help them get through tough times. Yet I’m too scared to let my guard down, too scared to take that leap and too scared to be vulnerable. I mean who actually wants to be?

This, my friends, has been the story of my life thus far. I won’t sugarcoat it for you or anyone else, I can’t, I just finished the entire box of cookies, so all I have left is Tea (Truth). I am hoping that my friends, who now don’t have a choice or the time and effort to look for other friends will be the only ones to read these…what are they? Hmmm… I won’t say posts, because likes and more readers are not what I am after. Let’s go with revelations on my journey to self discovery.

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Starting with my first lesson, there is only so much planning you can do! Life was not meant to be organised into a calendar with colour coded post-its and alarms set to start and stop everything. I remember when I was younger I use to believe when I grew up I would marry Tuxedo Man from Sailor Moon, wasn’t that a reality check! Herein lies one of my major problems. I have learnt a lot from other people’s mistakes..too much. Therefore, I had planned on avoiding certain things that I know have the possibility of ending in a train wreck… including a relationship.

There are so many things we can’t plan for. We definitely can’t plan for love! It is the one thing that can’t be written in permanent marker. Yet I know plenty of women who have planned the dress they would like to wear, the venue, the colour theme and even the flowers. Leaving out one small, tiny, miniscule detail… the other person who is suppose to say I do! My turn, ‘wake up girl and get your s*** together!’

The only wedding I dream of...

The only wedding I dream of…

I will be honest with you. You, the one reading this. I actually think it will be one, and thats fine with me.. as long as its not my mother. Anyway, you know how in movies the lead girl is walking down the street, turns the corner and bumps into a gorgeous man and they fall in love and the rest is history? Well I bump into plenty of people and not one of them has asked me out for coffee. I’m not even picky with who I bump into! Heck I’ll collide with anyone if they’ll buy me coffee. Until that happens, my life motto is ‘yolo I’m flying solo!’ Excuse me while I go uppercut myself for saying that. Until next time… NOTE: Buy more cookies.

Yours,

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Stupid cupid, you forgot to shoot me!

Posted on by huntressismyname

Bridgette Jones Revelation

I don’t complain about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why Mc Donalds doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30?

Valentines Day. My favourite day of the year! Even waking up in the morning feels different. I pull the curtains back, letting the warm rays cascade into my room as I slide the window open slowly. I inhale deeply, and can already tell the bakery down the road is open, as the smell of freshly baked pastries waft in. I imagine the cute little heart shaped chocolates placed decoratively on top of individual cinnamon scrolls. The baker waiting patiently for lovers to waltz in to grab a treat to share. My eyes wander down the street as a young couple strolls along the sidewalk, hand in hand. The sweet scent of roses in the air, my favourite colour splashed across the city as love and all things associated fills my senses.

Okay, cut the crap!

It was actually midday when I rolled out of bed today. Sleep still in my eyes, my pillow damp from excess saliva and I was in desperate need of fresh air. I begrudgingly pull the curtains aside to let the sun’s death rays invade my room, praying that by some miracle, I am greeted with gale force winds. I mean, who needs air conditioning right? Not me! I enjoy sweating from every pore, having a shower and looking like a drowned rat. That’s for sure! I practically have done my daily workout before I even get out of bed, how awesome is that. I swing the windows wide open, the weather is such a tease. Instead, I’m greeted with the smell of bakery goods and my stomach greets the smells the only way it knows how, by eating itself.

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Did I mention I don’t know how to ride a bike? There goes that new years resolution. Again!

As more excess saliva practically dribbles from the corner of my mouth at the thought of cinnamon scrolls, I spot a couple walking down the street, hand in hand, staring passionately into each others eyes. How do people do that, and still see where they’re going? Its a hazard people! Eyes on the road Rhonda! As images of sunrises and Ketut fade away, my stomach begins its sweet serenade once again, getting louder and louder, sounding more and more frustrated, irritated, annoyed…feminine, middle aged, angus? Reality dawns and my stomach is actually my mother outside my bedroom door and the sweet serenade is her mumblings. Focusing I decipher a few choice words,

“mea lea e maua i le igu fa’a aikae.. leva ga ku le maka o le la ga ke moe a pei e leai gi feau e faia.”

For those who are not Samoan, you’re lucky! Kidding… but really.

“I love you too Mum! Hope you enjoyed your cup of tea and that side of shade you’re throwing!”

Thug life… if I wasn’t too scared to actually say that to her face.

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I guess the mother does have a point…and here I find myself on this day set aside to celebrate love and… I am having a Bridgette Jones revelation… ugh!

  • Single – Tick
  • Living at home – Tick
  • Broke – Tick
  • In love… with food – Tick
  • Paying $15 a week gym membership (I went twice last year) – PRICELESS

I turn twenty-four in exactly two weeks and still don’t know how to drive. I am looking out for the greater good of society, remember that I haven’t yet mastered two-wheelers people! I do wonder however if it’s acceptable at my age to ride with training wheels?

So why this blog? Why read my thoughts, my feelings, my stories. Truth is, I’d rather you didn’t. Friends have always encouraged me to write a blog, but like everything else, procrastination has been my downfall. That, coupled with the fact that I actually have a very sad life, and by sad I mean Cat Lady sad, Marry Poppins ‘Bird Lady’ sad, Drew Barrymore ‘Never Been Kissed’ sad, don’t laugh too hard I actually haven’t been kissed. Ask Steve Carell, he starred in a movie loosely based on my real life, and I’m not talking about Little Miss Sunshine – ’40 Year Old Virgin’ style sad. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a sour single… These revelations just happen to come on Sour Singles Awareness Day.

And so the hunt begins… for love? Pffft more like a cinnamon scroll but who knows where the journey will take me but what I do know is that I am taking life by the balls and squeezing everything out of it from here on out.

I’ve realised that analogies may not be my forte and this blog may be my quarter life crisis… So if you are after a laugh I will be that for you, the one that reminds you that somewhere, out there in the big wide world, there is a girl more desperate than you. Until next time… excuse me while I go pay for my pizza.

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